In a house with two humans and WAY TOO MANY cats, there’s always someone IN MY SPACE. All a Boogie wants is to be left alone, is that too damn much to ask? Hanging out in my box reflecting upon life’s many highways and byways? Someone has to climb ON TOP of my sacred alone time? WHY?

Ah hets people all up in my shit, especially Joe Bob. Joe Bob brings out the super hetred in my soul.

Ah hets bottled water. What the hell is the point of putting WATER in a BOTTLE and then toting it around like a self-important water-needing idiot? Like “Oh gasp, I must have my water with me at all times or I will gets dehydrated and die!”?

Boogie don’t need no bottled water. Boogie just drinks water out of the toilet and if there ain’t no toilet around, Boogie just slurps it right up out of any ol’ puddle.

But Boogie ain’t no pansy-ass bottled-water-toting pansy.

Later, stupids.

It’s too damn hot up in this shit. I’m wearing a fur coat 24/7. Boogie don’t like to sweat.

AH HETS GLOBAL WARMING.

Later, stupids.

Upon all that is good and hateful, ah hets me this stupid recycling bullshit. You takes your recyclables, you puts ‘em in a container, then you waits ’til they get all good and built up and all falling out of the container and then you takes the container and you hauls them out to the car and then you goes away for a long, long time and then you comes back with empty containers, which you then start filling up again.

How stupid ARE you humans, anyway?

(Answer: SO STUPID.)

I has a solution, stupids. You brings the recyclables to me, and I will task my stupid brothers with hauling them out back to the back forty, so far I can’t even see them, and they DUMPS the recyclables out there and leaves the recyclables and then there is no fooling with the containers and the driving and the separating and all that bullshit.

What? The back forty will get all full with the recyclables?

Do I look like I care? We’ll all be dead before it gets too bad. And maybe those stupid pigs will choke on the trash.

I calls that a win-win situation.

Later, stupids.